Ladies night was amazing! After eating tons of tacos, wings, sipping on wine, dancing to Destiny’s Child “Say my Name”, and playing several rounds of Taboo the night took a different turn. We decided to create a game of questions we thought would initiate some exciting conversation. One question in particular sparked a lot of conversation, but struck a very deep chord in me. The question read: What qualities do you desire in a partner? Getting older is scary. I was horrified.

Some qualities were just preferences and other qualities were necessities. One response from the night really caught my attention. “As long as he has arms and legs I am fine.” “At 29 I cannot be too picky when it comes to being in a relationship”. I was horrified. My face probably looked something like this :/ When I made this face it was because I was really caught off guard. It was then that it dawned on me that we as women do this on a daily basis. I was horrified.

I couldn’t believe that this black woman who was beautiful, intelligent, funny, and focused was so ready and willing to give up her right to have expectations for the sake of the ‘beloved relationship status’. The only question is at what age do we surrender our power to have expectations for the men who supposedly want to pursue us? I think the most amazing thing about being a woman is that we can offer so many things. Well, maybe not that last line. I was horrified.

So, my point is this… STOP giving away all of you just to be in a relationship with a man who can barely offer you a secure foundation. Getting older is scary. You reflect more. You observe more. You fear more. You look at what you dont have and you can’t quite figure out why you haven’t met your man. Those thoughts are real. I think if marriage is something you desire and something God has for you then it makes since to desire it and want it in the here and now.